How I Overcame Chronic Loneliness (And How You Can Too)

“Oh my God, she got engaged to these girls. When did they even get closer? And why wasn’t I invited?”
That was me—scrolling through Instagram, watching people I thought I knew live their lives without me. I had 2000 followers, but no real friends. Surrounded by people online, yet feeling invisible.

If you’ve ever felt that sting—seeing others hang out, get into relationships, or move forward while you’re left behind—you’re not crazy. For most of my life, I felt the same way.

I knew people liked me, yet I still felt deeply alone. I used to wonder: why doesn’t anyone notice me? And after years of struggling with chronic loneliness, I finally figured out the answer.

But before we talk about the solution, we need to ask: Why do we even feel lonely in the first place?

Why We Feel Lonely

Loneliness is complicated. It can come from breakups, losing someone, moving to a new place, or even being surrounded by people who don’t truly understand us.

At its core, loneliness happens when there’s a gap between the relationships we want and the ones we actually have. You can have plenty of friends and still feel empty—because what you’re missing is meaningful connection.

Statistics back this up:

1 in 4 adults worldwide struggles with loneliness.
In the U.S., nearly 30% of people aged 18–24 say they feel lonely every single day.

And with social media, it’s only gotten worse. We collect followers and likes, but those don’t fill the need for real human connection.

That was exactly me. In high school, I had friends. In college, I lived in the most social dorm on campus. I talked to people every day, even hung out after class. But at night, when group chats buzzed with weekend plans, my phone stayed silent. I would lie in bed wondering, why does no one care about me the way I care about them?

The Real Problem

For years, I thought people just didn’t like me enough. But here’s the truth I eventually realized: my loneliness wasn’t about other people. It was about me.

I had created a toxic dynamic in my head: everyone else was more important, more outgoing, more likable than me. I made myself the “lesser one.”

But that wasn’t reality. I was just as important, just as fun, just as likable as anyone else. I just didn’t believe it.

That’s the first major key: you can’t expect meaningful connections if you don’t even value yourself.

Building a Relationship With Yourself

When I graduated college, I moved back home and left all my friends behind. For the first time, I was truly by myself. But strangely, this was when things began to change.

I realized that loneliness wasn’t about being alone. It was about being disconnected from myself.

So I asked: Who is Allison? What do I enjoy? What actually makes me happy?

I couldn’t answer at first—because I had spent my whole life trying to be liked by others instead of getting to know myself.

That’s when I started doing small things just for me:

Writing.
Cooking.
Going to cafes alone.
Window shopping.

At first, it felt selfish. But I learned something powerful: prioritizing your own needs is the opposite of selfish. When you fulfill yourself, you stop expecting others to do it for you. Not even a boyfriend or girlfriend can fill that void—only you can.

Stop Waiting, Start Reaching Out

Here’s another mistake I made for years: waiting for others to save me. Waiting for a text, an invite, a call. But waiting only reinforced my loneliness.

The truth? No one is coming to save you. You have to save yourself.

That meant reaching out first. Yes, it was scary. I used to think people didn’t want to hear from me. Rejection terrified me. But I remembered that quote: you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. And it’s true.

So I started messaging people. I reached out to strangers I wanted to be friends with. Not everyone responded—but some did. And eventually, I met amazing women who are still in my life today.

Reaching out is like a muscle. The more you use it, the easier it gets.

Finding Purpose Beyond People

But if I’m honest, what truly ended my loneliness wasn’t making new friends or dating again. It was finding purpose.

For so long, my identity was based on how many people liked me. I thought my value depended on other people’s opinions. After my last breakup in college, I lost that sense of self. No boyfriend, no friends, no purpose—it terrified me.

But then I started YouTube. At first, only 17 people subscribed. But creating content, writing, editing—it gave me something bigger to live for than waiting for a text back.

Purpose shifts your focus. Instead of asking, who’s thinking of me? you start asking, what impact can I make today?

And slowly, the emptiness faded.

What You Need to Remember

If you’re lonely right now, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It doesn’t mean nobody likes you. It’s simply a wake-up call to connect deeper—with yourself first.

Here’s what helped me:

Build a relationship with yourself. Do things that make you happy.
Reach out first. Don’t wait. People love being invited, too.
Find purpose beyond people. Something that excites you to wake up in the morning.

And if you don’t know where to start, here’s a simple exercise:
👉 Write down three things you can do this week just for yourself. Then do one.

Because here’s the truth:

Loneliness isn’t about not having people.
Loneliness is what happens when you abandon yourself.

The moment you stop giving others power over your happiness is the moment you begin to heal. And when you love yourself first, you’ll be surprised how many people suddenly want to love you, too.

So if this resonated with you, leave me a comment—I read them all. This could be your first step toward overcoming loneliness.